Looking for an Edward Elgar fan who is the owner of a wide variety of colorful robes and sunglasses. Strongly prefer candidate who is managed by his real-life wife Miss Elizabeth. Must have won the WWF’s “King of the Ring” tournament in 1987, or equivalent. The successful applicant will… uh…
Look, I’m going to end this pretense right here. I’ve posted this overly specific help wanted ad on our rarely visited personal blog in order to attract one candidate: Randy “The Macho Man” Savage. Sir, we want you to be our live-in nanny.
Mr. “The Macho Man” Savage, my family needs you. My wife and I are the kind of parents who want the best for our boy. We want him to be happy all the time, and my son is a huge fan of your catchphrase. Sadly, I have an active career, so I can’t spend the entire day entertaining the Tyke. You on the other hand…
I’m afraid we can’t offer you much. Room. Board. Refrigerator privileges. The odd box of Slim Jims. And there will be sacrifices. For instance, you and Miss Elizabeth will be sleeping on the sofa, so we ask that you not grease up your muscles within an hour of bedtime.
But just take a look at how much joy you could bring to a little boy, just by saying your catchphrase over and over in a gravelly voice:
Yesterday, we took Little Bird to his first pumpkin patch. He really enjoyed the hayride . . . it was so muddy we couldn’t believe that our wagon didn’t get stuck. Julian also made friends with a goat and he loved watching the little kids play in the corn. It was a beautiful fall day with my family.
Little Bird is finally starting to look like me! The photos below are proof, plus they document his two favorite new pastimes – sticking out his tongue and sucking on his hands. - Love, Caroline
WARNING: This post contains graphic depictions of pooping.
People always ask me what it’s like to have a baby. I think this story will give you some small idea:
Not long ago, while swinging in his swing, The Tyke managed to defy physics by unleashing a new kind of poop, one that thumbed its nose at gravity by actually traveling up his back. I was on duty at the time, so, after taking a moment or two to admire the young man’s handiwork, I took him to his changing table and got down to business.
Momz and Dad came through last weekend to meet the Tyke. Here’s proof:
Here’s Mom working her soothing Grandmom magic.
Granddad (left) and Grampy (right) on the farm.
A partial grandparent summit.
Mom and Dad at the Hoffbrauhaus.
And finally, the Hoffbrau Kid. That’s my beer, of course.
It was a great weekend all the way around. I think Mom and Dad approved of the little man. Strongly approved, even. We can’t wait until Grandmom and Granddad come back in the fall.
Not pictured: A housing at Ambar, the Bacon Supremacy Omelette, and Julian pooping on his dad.
These past 6 weeks have gone so fast and I can’t believe how much Julian has already grown! As I mentioned before, Julian outgrew his newborn diapers and the once baggy size ones are now beginning to fit. He weighs 11 pounds 2 ounces and is starting to fill out his skin. Mama’s Little Bird is growing up and it is making me a little sad. At least he still has some of his baby fur left (the fine hairs they develop all over their body in utero to protect their skin). See exhibit A:
Little Bird has had a busy couple of weeks. He went to Finn’s birthday party,
